areolas are like halos for boobs.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
