I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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