Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
