so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
