evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
