My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
