he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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