so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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