i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
