Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
