He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Actions speak louder than pants.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
