Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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