I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
