i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
