He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
