i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
