i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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