I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
