I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
