I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
