Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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