i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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