If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
