Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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