First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
