Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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