just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
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i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
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Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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