I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
