a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
