...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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