She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
