I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
