I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
