lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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