I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
