You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
