Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
