If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
