I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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