i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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