We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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