That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
