i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
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New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
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Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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