Ambien. No doubt about it.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
