Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i think my cat just said my name.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
