Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
