You just made me feel so damn special
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize