Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
