Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just found a bag of teeth...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
