I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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