You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
