So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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