Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize