i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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