All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
