Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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