We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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