I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
