i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
