There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
