She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
