Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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