I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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