I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
