I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
