the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
