I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
