Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
