YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i dont even know how to be here
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
