a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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