I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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