is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
