and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
